


Is It Because I'm Different

by WuHanwoo



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Gen, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Jisung broke a nightlamp with his right hand, Jisung needs a hug, Sad Han Jisung | Han
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:14:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24274903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WuHanwoo/pseuds/WuHanwoo
Summary: All Jisung wanted was the affection and skinship of the members, but what if he breaks down after being deprived of it.[Requested by Paige hart]
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Han Jisung | Han & Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 26
Kudos: 509





	Is It Because I'm Different

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Paige hart](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Paige+hart).



Jisung had always been a touchy person who loved skinship. He would hug his members, cling on them, and feel their warmth. He loved the comfort that the warmth provided him with. He loved having skinship with his members as a way to comfort and be comforted by. He always loved hugs, complaining about not being regularly hugged by Changbin as much as the rest of the maknae line in that one episode of Two Kids Room. He deeply appreciated when Changbin had hugged him during Stray Kids's first win as he cried his eyes out. The comfort he receive from the firm hug was breath-taking to say the least. However, he noticed, he hadn't really gotten a hug from anyone ever since unless initiated by him.

Jisung would walk pass a room to peek inside, seeing Changbin clinging on Felix. Or he would see Hyunjin and Seungmin pestering Jeongin for affection and skinship which Jeongin occasionally agreed to but mostly ran away from. He would also see Chan clinging on the other members and giving them hugs, even though all Jisung got from the leader was a chin laid on his shoulder, the minimal sort of skinship. But Jisung appreciated it however small it was, at least it was initiated by the leader himself. Minho on the other hand, doesn't provide skinship much for anyone, always exercising and using his sweat as an excuse, or his sleepiness otherwise.

 _'Maybe it's cause i'm different...'_ Jisung thought to himself, the negativity seeping into his flesh and bones. He hated the idea of being depressed for being deprived of skinship. He hated that he could notice every little moment there was skinship but it didn't involve him. But he also wondered, what made him so different from the others. What made the others feel the need to have skinship and affection but not with him. He wondered, if his presence in the group made any difference. Or if he was just there to write lyrics and be _**useful**_. 

But he did want to be useful for the group, if not he'd just be a burden that pulled them down. He thought to himself, how much of a disturbance he was to the group's teamwork and happiness overall. He felt different, all because no one hugged him.

The dark empty room didn't help with his thoughts. Jeongin was in the 4-person room and laughing about something with Hyunjin and Seungmin. Their chatter was so joyful and fun, then Minho shrieked for them to not laugh at that high of a volume. They giggled as a reaction to the older boy's outburst and Jisung could hear a loud dramatic sigh. Jisung wished he had someone to hug, or even talk to at this moment.

Suddenly, the door knob to his shared room with Jeongin turned slowly and opened. Chan peeked through the doorway searching through the darkness.

"Chan hyung...?"

"Oh, hey Ji, didn't see you there. Why are you in the dark?" 

Jisung took his time to think of an answer, leaving Chan waiting.

"Just...thinking? If you're looking for Jeongin, he's in your room."

"Oh, alright. No, i wasn't looking for anyone. Was just checking if any of you already slept."

"...Can i get a hug, hyung...?" Jisung asked reluctantly, fearing the rejection.

"Nah, not now. I just got back and i'm really sweaty."

There it was, the pain of the rejection for affection and skinship. Maybe it would have been better if he didn't ask, he thought to himself.

"Ji?"

"Nothing, hyung. Go shower and sleep, it's really late. Goodnight, hyung."

"Goodnight, Ji." Chan smiled and closed the door, the little warmth Jisung was feeling fading.

The **darkness** really wasn't helping. Then again, it did help, his depression.

Jisung sighed and closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, as if a comfortable position would change his emotions. He wanted to be happy, he wanted to be fine. He wanted a sign that he was wanted, but he couldn't see any. He opened his eyes and bit his bottom lip, an unhealthy coping mechanism he regularly used whenever he got depressed or anxious. He wanted a hug, almost desperate for one now. Jisung gathered all his courage and left the room, in search for a hug from the other members.

The first member he came across was Felix, seated in the dining area beside the kitchen, looking up new recipes to try. He seemed to be so focused on his dish research that he didn't realized Jisung entered the area, let alone the fact he was talking to him. Jisung, not wanting to distract his twin from his focused state, left the dining area quietly. On the way to ChangLix's room, Jisung crossed paths with Seungmin, who left the room smiling. His expression froze the moment he saw Jisung, he expected him to be asleep, but Jisung saw that as him taking away Seungmin's happiness. 

"Erm...a hug?" Jisung asked. 

Seungmin dramatically gasped, putting a hand over his mouth and stepping back. He then proceeded to run to the kitchen after looking at Jisung with a playful smirk. It hurt Jisung. All he wanted was a hug.

Jisung continued to walk to ChangLix's room, entering it after spotting Changbin on his bed. He was looking at his phone intently with a grumpy expression.

"Bin hyung...i-"

"Not now, Jisung." Changbin had cut Jisung off before he had even asked the question. Jisung was taken aback. Was he really that much of a burden? Was he that annoying to the members that they didn't want to be bothered by him? Jisung didn't feel bad for himself, but instead he felt bad for the members, having to deal with him and his needs.

"Sorry..." Jisung retreated out the door, closing it behind him.

Hyunjin came flying out to the corridor, holding his phone with an excited expression.

"Hyun-"

"Hey, Minnie! Look at what i found!" Hyunjin laughed and ran past Jisung, not knowing he was calling out to him. Jisung felt an itch in his chest. Why can't they see him there? Why won't they talk to him? 

Jisung dragged his feet into the 4-member room, peeking in. The light for the room was turned on and there were shuffling noises behind Minho's bed curtain. Jisung knew it was Minho behind the curtain. Without much thought, he slowly walked over and pulled open the curtain. Minho shrieked the moment the room's light seeped into his bed.

"Ah! The light! It's blinding me!" Jisung threw the curtain back and stumbled.

"...sorry, hyung..." and Jisung left the room.

He wondered where their maknae had disappeared to. Last he heard Jeongin's voice was in the 4-member room but he wasn't in there. Jisung sighed softly and returned to his room. Upon opening the door, the light from the living room illuminated the insides of the room and Jisung could identify the lump on Jeongin's bed as the maknae himself. He was probably asleep by now, considering the absence of his phone on his hand. Jisung made his way over to Jeongin's bed and leaned down. 

"Hey Innie, give me a hug." Jisung said playfully beside the maknae's ear. 

"Ah~ Go away." Jeongin angrily stated and curled further into his blanket. 

No members were left. None of them wanted to give Jisung a hug. Jisung wondered why that had affected his emotions so much. 

"Over a mere hug...how weak am i..." Jisung muttered to himself and hid in the comfort of his bed, sleeping not long after.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Hyung~ Wake up~" Jisung could feel the maknae shaking him awake. Jisung felt his energy drain almost immediately and sat up, burying his face in his hands.

"Hyung?"

Jisung felt his hot tears flow down his hands and face. He couldn't take it anymore. He didn't feel needed at all. He wanted to hide. He wanted to run. He wanted to be gone. He dug his nails into his face, screaming into his hands. Jeongin panicked and tried to pry Jisung's fingers away from him, the older boy flinching and swinging his hand away from Jeongin, smashing his night-lamp in the process. Jisung couldn't feel any pain above the one he was already feeling inside himself.

"Hyung-"

"Don't! Don't come here! I'm gonna hurt you! Stay there!" Jisung backed off further to his bedframe and held his hair with his shaky and bloody hands. The night-lamp's bulb had shattered and cut his hand when he hit it but nothing was going in his mind. His mind was already on overdrive. 

The other members had heard the commotion and gathered in the duo's room, looking at the mess Jisung was. 

"Ji, what's wrong?" Chan stood by the bed, closer to Jisung than where Jeongin was.

Jisung started to hyperventilate, holding his hands out as if to tell Chan to back off. They all noticed how much Jisung was shaking, and how disoriented he was. Chan didn't say a word and knelt down in front of Jisung on his bed.

"No! Don't! I'm gonna-"

Chan pulled Jisung into his arms and hugged the younger close, gently caressing the back of his head. Jisung was reminded of the warmth he always wanted, and his hands dropped to his sides. His expression became void of emotion, blankly staring behind Chan. Jisung's tears were still flowing freely down his face and onto Chan's shirt. Chan didn't loosen his hug, but instead pulled Jisung closer to the point Jisung's head was basically laying on his shoulder. Jisung's expression returned when he whimpered and hid his face into Chan's shoulder, crying harder.

Jeongin moved onto the bed and tended to Jisung's wounds as he cried. Jisung seemed to be so distressed, he didn't even flinch when Jeongin pulled the glass shards from his hand. Minho moved over and taped the cuts together, then bandaging Jisung's hand. 

"Ji, did they come and say mean things to you last night?" Chan asked, and the members flinched, thinking he was talking about them.

"T-They...told m-me...i was a...b-burden...and t-that...i was a-annoying...that's why...no one...w-wanted to h-hug me...they t-told me i was d-different..." Jisung mumbled through his tears into Chan's shirt. Chan rubbed the boy's back warmly. The members froze, thinking hard if they had said those things the night before.

"Well, they're wrong. We all love you, Ji. You're not a burden. You're not annoying. And you're not weak, not one bit, for feeling sad when no one hugged you. I should've come over after i showered, i'm sorry. Being different is a good thing, but that's not why we didn't give you hugs, okay? That was our fault, not yours." Chan said, rocking the tearful younger in his arms.

Jisung went from crying to sniffling, finally feeling the pain from his hand. He winced when his hand twitched, it hurt a lot. Jeongin noticed and went to the kitchen to get some painkillers for him. Minho massaged Jisung's arm in an effort to ease the pain. At this point, the other members were still standing around and Jisung had melted on Chan's shoulder. Chan held Jisung upright as Jeongin fed him the painkiller, then passing out after swallowing it. The members heart ached at how not giving him a hug caused Jisung to have a breakdown and ultimately collapsing in Chan's arms due to fatigue.

Unlike the other members, Chan had known Jisung was like this and how much it would take a toll on the younger's mentality, having witnessed Jisung breakdown when they were trainees. Chan carried Jisung off his bed and walked to the couch in the living room, laying down with Jisung while the other members cleaned up the remaining glass shards on his bed and floor. Hyunjin swept up the broken pieces and tossed it into a giant black trash bag. Seungmin picked up the night-lamp stuck behind Jisung's drawer and threw it into the same trash bag as Hyunjin did. Felix and Changbin went into the kitchen and went to cook breakfast for the starving members.

Minho tidied up Jisung's bed and checked for any stray shards. Jeongin knelt on the floor beside Chan and Jisung. Chan had adjusted Jisung to be laying on his chest comfortably, leaving his injured hand in the open for Jeongin to cleaned. He gently picked up Jisung's hand and wiped the blood off, it still being there because it wasn't wiped previously. Jeongin made a mental note to change the dressing for Jisung's wound later.

Chan patted Jisung's back lightly. He regretted that the thought of going to Jisung's room after his bath hadn't crossed his mind the night prior. If he did, it would have helped Jisung a lot and saved him from the dread he had to sleep through. He held Jisung closer and hugged him tight, still patting him. Jisung stayed that way until Changbin and Felix brought out the food to the living room to eat together. Jisung awoke from his sleep, groggy. Changbin stretched out his hands to Jisung when he opened his eyes to look at him when he called him to eat.

"Do you want Bin hyung to hug you while you eat?" Changbin smiled. Jisung rubbed his eyes sleepily with his non-injured hand and nodded, Changbin carrying him out of Chan's arms and into his own. He maneuvered around the table and sat down, backhugging Jisung. Jisung shyly smiled and laid his back on Changbin's chest. The members cooed at the sight. 

"What...'re we eatin', 'yung?" Jisung mumbled with his eyes closed.

"Galbitang, samgyetang, malatang, and tteokbokki." 

"Woo~ so many soup choices. Which do you recommend, hyung?"

"Your favorite, Galbitang."

Jisung stretched his arms up and squealed with a wide smile worn on his tired face, nodding. Changbin served Jisung a bowl of Galbitang and handed it to his left hand. Jisung reached out to take his chopsticks with his right hand, before Seungmin swiftly snatched it from the table and sat facing Jisung. Seungmin took the meat from Jisung's bowl and fed it to him, who didn't deny the help. Changbin took the chance to hold Jisung closer to himself, melting at the younger's warmth, even nuzzling the back of Jisung's head with contempt noises. Jisung liked this. Jisung loved the affection and skinship he had been getting ever since Chan hugged him.

Seungmin watched Jisung chew his food slowly and gently caressed his head, Jisung shyly smiling and hiding his face behind his bandaged right hand. The members faces twisted in pain and regret at the sight of Jisung's bandaged hand. They knew they had contributed a part that led up to that. The members took turns feeding Jisung, Hyunjin taking Seungmin's place first, then a whiny Felix who wanted to showcase his love for his twin. Their lunch were filled with giggling, laughing, and cooing. 

After lunch, Changbin had to get up to wash the dishes, after losing 10 rounds of scissor, paper, stone with the members in a row. Minho bent down and carried Jisung up onto his front, Jeongin holding Jisung's left hand. They walked into JeongSung's room and sat down on Jeongin's bed. Jisung tilted his head in confusion, not knowing what the duo wanted to do. Jeongin crawled onto his bed and sidehugged Jisung, surprising the older with his firm grip. Jisung's eyes scanned the fresh bandages and tape Minho was holding, preparing for the stinging pain. Jeongin pulled Jisung closer and blocked the elder's eyes with his shoulder.

Minho unwrapped the bandages and removed the tape, making Jisung flinch each time he felt the more noticeable pain. Jeongin patted Jisung's back comfortingly, helping distract Jisung a little. Minho wasted no time in washing and cleaning Jisung's hand and bandaging it up again. After Minho kept the supplies, he held Jisung's shaking hand and lightly rubbed it. 

"That hurt...a lot..." Jisung whimpered, still on Jeongin's shoulder.

"I feel bad...if i didn't shout at you and hugged you then you wouldn't have gotten hurt..." Minho regretted.

"It's okay...this isn't the first time this happened...the last time i nearly took Chan hyung down..."

"Oh wow, how did that happen?" Jeongin asked with interest.

"We were still trainees, you and Bin hyung weren't there but...well i broke down that time too...then Chan hyung tried to calm me down...and i charged at him to tackle him...but hyung dodged and caught me from behind..."

"What happened after that?"

"He hugged me until i passed out in his arms, then hyung carried me back to the dorm and slept with me. He knew, that i would most likely panic if i woke up alone."

"As expected of Genius Leader Bang Chan hyung." Minho and Jeongin clapped simultaneously.

"Random but, Jisungie hyung...wanna get sandwiched by us now?" Jeongin smirked and laid down, pulling Jisung with him. 

"I'm not going to give you a choice." Minho said and plopped down behind Jisung's back and hugged them together.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Lix~" Jisung called out to Felix who was researching his recipes again in the dining area. This time, Felix looked up almost immediately and smiled at Jisung.

"I wanted to ask if-" Jisung was stopped by Felix who skipped over to his twin and pulled him into a hug. Felix was literally enjoying the whole experience of hugging Jisung while Jisung stood there shyly, happy for the affection

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Jisung was on the way to the toilet when he saw Hyunjin skid out his room door (almost knocking into the wall) with his phone on his hand, a bright smile on his face.

"Hyun-" Jisung was stopped mid-sentence by Hyunjin who ran over and picked him up for a hug, nuzzling the side of his head. Hyunjin then showed Jisung a video he was watching. The video was made by a fan who edited cute squirrel videos and photos with Jisung. Jisung covered his face shyly at the attention.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Jisung crossed paths with Seungmin on the way back to his room. Jisung didn't say a word and looked at Seungmin. He didn't want to ask the question again, he noticed it hurt a lot to even ask the question. Well, he didn't need to since Seungmin walked over and wrapped his arms around Jisung and held him tight and close.

"We might be Tom and Jerry, but as you know Tom can never live without Jerry." Seungmin whispered, resulting in Jisung laughing.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

3RACHA was in their producing room. Chan producing songs, while Changbin and Jisung wrote lyrics. 

**_I bury my head in my arms all day long and the tears well up in my eyes_ **

**_, I’m always in the same place_ **

**_The same old songs and lyrics_ **

**_, everything feels the same as a year ago..._**  
  
Jisung scribbled out the lyrics for SLUMP and asked Chan to record and organize it before he write the hook. Changbin had been giving so many more hugs to Jisung and he enjoyed it. Chan was more of a person who silently watched over Jisung. Seeing Jisung's lyrics, Chan pulled Jisung close, hugging him and ruffling his hair.

"You know we always love you, right?"

"Yeah, hyung. Thanks to you guys, i do." 

Jisung smiled along with Chan and Changbin. 

Jisung's life just got better from there. The scars on his right hand constantly reminding them of how precious Jisung is.

**Author's Note:**

> Author-nim : I did not expect to finish it in a day, but wow, my writing style keeps changing, i'm confusing myself...


End file.
